just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
bring money and cleavage
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
