I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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