I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Idk if I want to put a bra on
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
