I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
