i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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