did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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