Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
