Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
