How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize