am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
