In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
