Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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