That's intense
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
