you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
