Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
