Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
