Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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