I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
