If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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