I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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