girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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