I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
