So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
