I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
