And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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