Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
