I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
