Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
