I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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