dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
