party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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