just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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