Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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