i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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