I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
