You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
