At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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