Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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