Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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