just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
