if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
