So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
