I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
