Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize