I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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