She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have fence marks all over my body
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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