so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
