i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
