Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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