I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
