i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
