Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
