haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
