We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
