i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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