I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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