Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
