I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
