If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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