so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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