3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i would punch a child for taco bell
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I want her autograph on my taint
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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