She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
