I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize