I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
