You work out of a Hotel?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
