I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
