Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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