He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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