I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize