i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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