We named our party play list daddy issues
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
