Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How drunk are you?
Completed.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
