i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
