Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
